


Bullies and lies

by R3ad3r1



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Dan Howell, 2009 Phil Lester, Break Up, Bullying, Established Relationship, Getting Back Together, Lies, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Post-Break Up, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:06:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29946975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/R3ad3r1/pseuds/R3ad3r1
Summary: A breakup. Some bullies. Some lies, but in the end, love wins.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Kudos: 8





	Bullies and lies

**Author's Note:**

> Babies Dan and Phil for you all.

Phil and Jason were having a drink at the pub under the radio station and Phil was indulging in the alcohol more than usual. Jason noticed it and asked him promptly “What's happening Phil? It's your third drink already!”

“Nothing...” he shrugged getting tense as soon as Jason tried to pry on his personal life.

“Oh God, Phil! You get defensive as soon as I ask you anything that goes a little beyond work or something super neutral. We are supposed to be friend.”

“I know, I'm very protective of my privacy, it's just a habit.” Phil smiled apologetically and added “I'm sorry... I have broken up with Dan and I'm hurting.”

“I'm sorry mate! That is unfortunate. Let me offer you another drink. How are you?”

“I feel like shit. And the reason behind the breakup is so lame and stupid: he's not ready to be out he's not sure to be gay! I get that he is scared, but I thought we were over this. I tiptoed around him for months, I waited for him to be ready and now, after being together for six months he is not ready for us. All of a sudden he's not sure! Bullshits!”

Jason nodded and handed Phil another drink “That's shitty!! You guys seemed so in love and fine-tuned last time we went out.”

“That's why I'm mad! He is just panicking over nothing and it's just throwing everything away!” Phil’s anger was unmistakable, and the alcohol was making it worse. Phil steered the conversation on a different topic and Jason followed it, thinking that his friend was in need of a distraction: difficulties with coming out and confused sexuality weren’t his pieces of cake.

That night Phil took a walk home from the pub: he couldn't understand how the best relationship of his life has ended so abruptly. That was the reason why, at the very beginning, he didn't want to take the relationship with Dan on a different level. Dan was young, too young obviously, and that was exactly what it was supposed to happen dating such a young guy at his first experience. How stupid of him! Giving his heart to such a reckless, young guy. A teenager still, as he wasn't even 20! How could have Phil been so stupid! To avoid shedding any other tears over then fill with his inner cheek and shook his head taking a deep breath to calm his mind.

At the same time, in his room, Dan was sobbing uncontrollably clutching to his chest Phil’s hoodie inhaling his lingering scent. He was feeling awful after breaking up with Phil. He did it after being bullied and beaten up by some guys after saying goodbye to Phil at the train station. He felt alone and vulnerable, he didn't want to be ashamed of his relationship, he didn't want to find himself in the same situation ever again. Dan’s ribs were still bruised when he saw Phil the last time but he couldn't find the courage to tell him what has happened and he shut his boyfriend out. When he winced at Phil’s touch his only explanation for his behavior was that he wasn't sure anymore about them and he was thinking that they were better off as friends.

Nobody could imagine how painful had been for Dan to say such a big lie, betraying the only person he had ever felt safe with, but he was a coward and he didn't want to be beaten up again. He also wanted to protect Phil from those weirdos and breaking up was the only possible solution in his eyes. He was tempted to call Phil, to confess what had actually happened, begging him to take him back, but there was no chance for Dan to get back with Phil.  
It had been a dream for a while and now it was gone. Dan took a shaky breath trying to stop crying and sleep but it was harder every night.

A few days later Dan was dragged out of his bedroom by a friend: he was sure not to have seen the sunlight or felt the fresh air on his skin since the breakup. He was terrified to bump again into those homophobes, he hid himself trying to disappear in his hoodie, his hands tucked in his pockets, but being that tall wasn't making it any easier. Once at the pub, Dan sat in a corner for a while, then he decided to drink something and, quicker than expected, things went out of hand: one drink became two, two became four and Dan went from tipsy to drunk in a matter of an hour. The alcohol was numbing his fears and making him bolder than he usually was, so he went out of the pub and fished for his mobile to call Phil.

Phil was surprised when his phone chimed at midnight and he saw that it was done, after the first battle with himself he picked up.  
“Dan, it's almost midnight...” he said.  
“I miss you, Phil. I miss being yours and seeing you .” Dan’s words were a bit slurred and his voice wasn’t normal, Phil knew Dan was a lightweight so it didn't take much to figure out that Dan was drunk.  
“Dan, how drunk are you?”  
“Enough to call you, silly.”  
“Are you safe?”  
“Yeah, I don't think those weirdos are here.”

Phil was confused “Which weirdos?”  
“The one who beat me up. They're not here and I don't think anybody knows I'm gay. Because I'm gay for you, Phil.”  
“Lower your voice, Dan!” admonished Phil “You have been beaten up? When? Why didn't you tell me?”  
“Because it's a secret!!” answered Dan laughing “You don't have to know that I'm such a loser that can be attacked by three guys on his way home from the station.”  
Phil began to panic slightly as the more Daniel was talking the more it seemed real and he was worried for his ex-boyfriend.  
“Danny, why we don't talk about this tomorrow? Why you don't go home with one of your friends?”  
“I want to talk to you. You are my best friend, the only one I can be my true self with.”  
“... fuck! Dan, be reasonable, get some water and something to eat, I'll stay on the phone, I promise.”  
“You're not my boyfriend anymore, you're not the boss of me .” in a surge of rage, due to Phil’s condescending tone, Dan hung up and turned his phone off getting back into the pub.

Phil was utterly confused: he couldn't be sure that Dan was telling the truth and it wasn't just a messy drunk call, but his heart was pounding in his chest and his head was spinning. Was Dan in danger? How was he going back home? His young Danny boy. There was no way to sleep that night but hopping on a train from Manchester to Wokingham wasn't an option. He had to wait and call Dan the following day. 

As soon as it was a decent hour in the morning Phil rang Dan who answered with a groan  
“What is it?”  
“I'm asking you, Dan. How are you? Hungover?”  
“My head is pounding; can I call you back in half an hour? Just to eat something and take a painkiller or two ...”  
“Okay, if you don't call, I'll call you back.”

Dan was confused at first, but after the first glass of water and a couple of slices of toasted bread he slowly remembered to have called Phil the previous night and he wasn't sure what he could have said. There was no point in trying to avoid Phil so he reluctantly pressed his contact on the screen bracing himself for the upcoming ordeal.  
“Hey”  
“Hi, Dan. How are you feeling?”  
“A bit better but pretty knackered, I shouldn't drink so much, I'm such a lightweight.” Dan paused briefly to resume the talking in an apologetic tone“ I don't really remember what I might have said to you and I have no recollection of how pitiful I must have sound. You don't have to check in on me, I'm not your boyfriend, Phil. I've just drunk-called you.”  
Phil listened silently without interrupting then, with the calmest voice ever, he questioned “So is there nothing you want to tell me about being beaten up by three weirdos on your way home from the station?”

Dan froze, actual chills running down his spine “I ...” he couldn't speak.  
“Danny how bad was it? Why didn’t you even tell me?”  
“I was ashamed…I guess ...”  
“Ashamed of what?!”  
“Not being able to defend myself?” offered Dan in a small voice.  
“You want to come up this weekend so we can talk?” asked Phil.  
“No ... you're not my boyfriend anymore, you don't have to do it.” his voice breaking while he was answering “I'm not your problem anymore.”

A sense of realization dawned on Phil and he blamed himself for not having probed Dan’s statements a little more while they were breaking up “Dan, please tell me the truth: did you break up with me to feel safer? Not to be assaulted?”  
“Kinda... well, yes…I don't want to be scared to walk alone... but also because I think you deserve more than a boy who cannot deal with his own shit.” Dan’s voice was a mess: he was crying for sure.  
“You want to Skype? So we can see each other?” suggested Phil.  
“I'm an ugly crier and the fact that we are no longer a thing remains ...”  
“Screw it, Dan! I let you go without a fight because you told me you weren't sure to be gay. If you're still sure of having feelings for me the breakup doesn't count.”

“What do you mean?” asked Dan, puzzled.  
“I'm saying this wrong. I mean that I still have feelings for you, I am in love with you, nothing has changed for me. I was so worried yesterday that I've thought about taking the train to rescue you, Dan. My question is: have you left me because you wanted to end our relationship or you did it because of what happened?”  
“The second one ... I'm wrecked since the day I left you.” admitted Dan bashfully.  
“We need to fix this. Can you hop on a train today? Spend a few days here?”  
“Yeah, my mom will be happy to see me leave my bedroom, I guess.”  
“Okay then you can pack and take the train at 2:30, you'll be here at 6:00 PM, and don't worry I'm coming to pick you up.”  
“I'm not worried…never mind. See you later, Phil .”

Dan packed a few things, grabbed something to drink for the travel, and went to the station. He had to physically stop twice because his legs were shaking so badly and he was having trouble breathing. He thought to have had a heart attack when he saw a guy who was resembling one of the bullies. He slumped onto a seat in the corner of the waiting area, his eyes closed while he was listening to his music. He was about to take a train to go back to Phil and? Phil couldn't change the people in Dan’s hometown, Phil couldn't be there to protect him at every step, so why was he still going to Manchester? 

Maybe Phil was worth the risk of being beaten up, maybe having somebody like Phil could make him braver. But why he didn't even try to talk to Phil about being assaulted? Why he just decided to end everything without giving an explanation or, to be precise, without having one? For sure Phil would have wanted some clarification and Dan was not sure to be able to give any. The weight of the uncertainties sat on his chest the whole journey: Dan could only take shallow breaths chewing nervously at his lips. Three hours and a half might be a good amount of time to be spent on the train but that day it was quick like a bat of eyelashes.

Once at the Manchester station Dan spotted Phil in a second and slowly walked towards him: it was awkward as it wasn't sure how to move. Was he supposed to hug Phil? Pat him on the back? Fist-bump him? As usual, Phil saved him from having to choose, opening his arms in a welcoming embrace. Dan made himself even smaller in Phil’s arms inhaling his familiar scent, hoping not to burst into tears on the spot.  
“Let's go home, Danny. So we can talk.”

Done just nodded and remained silent for the rest of the walk home his eyes fixed on the pavement while it was following Phil. He was so grateful that Phil did not engage in a conversation and just let him time to deal with all the emotions swirling in his chest and brain.  
“It's just us.” Phil reassured opening the door and gesturing Dan to enter and leave his bag in the corner. “I want to know what happened: all of it.” he said simply.

Damn swallowed visibly a couple of times before being able to speak. His voice was a little shaky but it was confident to be able to form coherent sentences, so he proceeded. He told Phil everything: how happy he was about the day they had spent together and how bittersweet was that last kiss before saying goodbye. He mentioned that he was aware of having acted carelessly, not even checking if someone could have seen them before pulling Phil into that last kiss. He had not seen those three guys in the beginning and had realized too late that they were following him. He had heard something offensive being yell at him he had ignored it but he couldn't ignore two of them grabbing his arms while the third guy was kicking him into the ribs one, two, three times calling him “disgusting faggot”, spitting on him and punching him until he was unable to stand. They kicked him some more while he was laying on the floor, almost unable to breathe. It took Dan a good 20 minutes to be able to stand up again and go home. He lied to his mother saying that he basically had run into a cyclist but that they were both fine. But he wasn't fine, he wasn't fine at all: he was scared, hurt, and alone.  
“Why you didn't tell me, Dan?”  
“Don't know ... Really…I was feeling ashamed.”  
“Why you decided to break up with me?” Phil was relentless.  
“You cannot protect me every day, Phil. I live there and I don't know when I will be able to move out. I don't want to feel that fear every single day of my life.”  
“Is this all? Is this why you broke up with me? Why did you flinch away when I tried to hug you that day?”  
“My ribs ... There was still a big bruise on my side, and I panicked. I didn't want to talk about that episode, I wanted to spare you how useless I am.” 

Dan hid his face in his hands, he was beyond embarrassed. Phil just pulled him into his chest and done broke down in tears “I was scared. Scared for me, for you ...” he sobbed while Phil was talking him down murmuring some sweet nonsense in his ears.  
“What do you want to do, Phil?” Dan asking hesitantly.  
“Besides loving you and protecting you for the rest of my life? I don't know, maybe get a Domino?” Phil was determined to lighten the mood, but Dan wasn't having any of it.  
“No, I mean about us. I'm serious.”  
“No Dan, what do you want to do?”  
“I felt not only scared but also miserable and alone ... I ... I think I want us to be together again. It's scary but ... without you is hell.”

Phil nodded wiping a few tears from Dan’s cheek “I have only one rule for you if we're doing this again: no more lies, no more hiding things from me .”  
“OK”  
Phil leaned towards Dan, bringing a hand to the back of Dan’s neck, stopping a couple of inches from Dan’s slightly parted lips “and no more thinking that breaking up is a solution for a problem outside us.”  
“OK” breathed out Dan, his eyes fixed on Phil hoping to be kissed better for the rest of the night. Once Phil brushed his lips against Dan’s the boy melted: his fears and insecurities wiped away to make room only for the deep and burning love he was feeling for Phil.

“We're going to work on a plan to get you out of that town soon, Danny boy. I promise.” Phil said breaking the kiss after a while “You're going to be fine; we are going to be fine.”  
Dan couldn't help but smile and that genuine, soft, innocent smile made Phil vowed to himself to always protect Dan from the others and from Dan himself.


End file.
